Darrell and I are in Portland, Oregon to spend time with my family for the next couple of days while my dad has open heart surgery. We haven’t been here since our wedding in December and, when the plane descended into the city, I felt a rush of excitement and familiarity.
This place is full of memories for me.
The funny thing with memories is that we have a tendency to only remember the most pleasant ones. Would you agree? When I look back on the many years I lived in this city I have only affection and fondness for what took place here.
My life wasn’t always easy.
Not by a long shot.
I wrestled with God, trying to figure out what He wanted from me, what I was supposed to do with my life. I went through break-ups and felt lonely and wandered the city at times, confused and alone, cheeks salty and wet from tears and rain.
But when we approached the city, from above, and I look down at the place where I went to kindergarten, got my drivers license, had my first boyfriend, left my childhood and became an adult, I feel a swell in my heart, an affection for the place that holds the memories that shaped me and make me the woman I am today.
My life didn’t seem that amazing while I was in it. Just your normal average life. But now, looking back, I feel so lucky.
This is the problem with your “dream” life.
It never feels that dreamy while you’re living it.
They say hindsight is 20/20 and I think that’s why. The life you’re living now is probably full of people, places and things that make it extraordinary. Dreamy, in fact, but you can’t see it because you’re right in the middle of it.
What you need to see it is perspective.
I have a friend who talks about this as “zooming out” from a situation. Every time I go to her to ask for advice about how to handle something, or what to say in a specific situation, this is what she recommends. “Try to get above it,” she says.
“Try to see your circumstance from 180 degrees.”
I love that. When I get frustrated or disappointed with my circumstances, or feel like complaining that my “dream” life is never going to come true, I picture myself hovering over my life, looking down from above, trying to think about how I would see this situation if I were looking at this situation ten years from now, or from the outside, as someone else.
Usually it’s a wake-up call to my selfishness and bad attitude.
My husband says that wisdom is the ability to see outside of ourselves and I’m starting to see how true that is. Wisdom is the ability to get out of our own way, and see a situation for what it really is, despite our biases.
The truth is, you’re probably already living your dream life, or at least aspects of it. I don’t say that to keep you stuck where you are, because maybe you need to make some changes, but I do say it to open your eyes to the really amazing experiences, opportunities and relationships that are right in front of you, if you could just open your eyes to them.
I say that to remind you that dreams come true while you’re taking out the trash, or doing dishes.
They come true in spite of that argument with your siblings, your spouse, or your best friend.
Dreams come true in tiny little apartments, at minimum wage jobs, while you’re still trying to figure out what you “want to be when you grow up.”
Question: What’s the dreamiest part of your life right now — if you were to zoom out and look at it?
Hi there, I’m not one of those people who remember just the good times in my life, because unfortunately, there weren’t many of them. If I were to say what my dream would be, it would be to live at peace with myself and others. To be able to embrace myself and live fully now. As Jesus says, to love others. I want my intention to come from a place of love and not selfishness or insecurity. I desire my motives be pure, so I could exemplify Jesus in all I do, in and through my life. This is my dream and well, I’m very far from that dream as it stands now. However, my continued hope and prayer is that the Lord changes my heart to reflect His.
Pilar — I’m really sorry for the difficulty you’ve experienced. Like you, i’ve had really unfortunate and even unjust things happen to me and I’m not suggesting that we overlook those things, forget about them, or act like they didn’t happen. My suggestion is that we focus on how God is using our (at times difficult) circumstances to usher us into the life that we want to live — the life of abundance with Him.
It probably won’t be exactly like we pictured, and that’s why we have to let go of our unfair expectations, but I’m confident that your dream is in the process of coming true as we speak.
Your desire to embrace yourself fully and have real, satisfying relationships is a honest, good desire, and God is capable of accomplishing it. In fact, I would argue He is probably in the middle of accomplishing it right now.
I’m praying that your eyes would be tuned to the evidence of HIs love for you, and his commitment to your good.
Thanks for your thoughtful response. I appreciate it. At 45 years of age, I’m actually getting that it isn’t the way I pictured or imagined. But then, God is the author. He is the pen writing our lives. I’m really just trying to embrace the now and be content in it. I’m not where I would like to be, but I’m a lot further along than I was. Thanks so much.
Yes, yes, yes!! Thanks for sharing this, Ally! The part at the end that said, “dreams come true in … while you’re still trying to figure out what you “want to be when you grow up” yep that’s me!! Just need a little perspective. Blessings to you! Praying for your dad!
Thank you Tara! I’m so glad this post resonated with you. Hang in there. I know it can be hard and confusing when you’re trying to figure out the direction you should go, especially when you’re young and single, trying to narrow all of your options… I remember that so well.
God is in the process of writing your story. Everything that is happening right now is meaningful and important. It’s all part of the story that is unfolding in front of you.
Thanks for praying for my dad. That means a lot to me.
Really appreciate this Ally, thank you for sharing such powerful truth and wisdom!
Thanks for reading, Matt and for commenting! Glad I could share my story and that you would find it encouraging!
Tiny joys and now this post. You’re killing it, friend. I hope you know that you are respected blogger, and that you count that among the many “dreamy” or dream-fulfilling aspects of your life.
As for me, I’d say that even though I’m stressed with my schedule, the fact that I am a busy writer is evidence that I am fulfilling my dream, although a book has not been published with my name on it yet. When I was a teenager, I didn’t have any comprehension of how God would make me a writer without ever having written a book, but He’s showing me now.
And other things : I live in a beautiful city, I have wonderful friends, a loving husband, a steady (albeit small) income. All those dreams are tangible, although they are totally “other” than how I had imagined them.
Bethany — thank you so much for your words, and for your friendship. Getting to spend time with you in Chicago is going to be a gigantic joy for me! I can’t wait for that.
Yes, yes. God is faithful, even in the messiness of life. Thank you for saying that.
I really love the call to live in the now and enjoy everything that is, while keeping an eye out for a better tomorrow. Enjoy the trip.
Thanks Jeremy! Appreciate you sharing and commenting.
I ditto Bethany. I’m often too busy stressing and seeing my dream as having a book published rather than realizing I’m living the dream of writing for a living. Sure, it’s grant-writing rather than book-writing but it’s playing with words nevertheless.
I’ll never forget what my sister said when she first started dating her husband. She knew she would marry him but she said “I don’t want to rush things. I want to just enjoy the newness of it, enjoy having a crush on him.”
For some reason, your comment reminded me of that. It’s a good reminder to enjoy every stage of the process.
The dreamiest part of my life right now is my living situation. After a rough summer, I started my junior year with a nervous apprehension. The girls I am living with, however, are the best roommates I could have ever asked for. These women have made a house and home for me and I’ve only been here but four days! This has made dealing with life’s recent circumstances much easier. God is good!
The people who are around you have the biggest impact on your quality of life. What a blessing that you life with girls who are uplifting!
dreamiest part of my life is having teenagers that love me, and believing they don’t HAVE to wander far, to still know Jesus as their very own. and trusting, no matter the paths, that i am doing the very best Mommy journey i can do.
dreamiest part #2 is my marriage. the more time i spend with other women, in coaching/counseling/friendships – there are some miserable marriages. and mine went through some rough stuff ten years ago – my depression, losing my dad, twin sister addictions at highest, and we had three babies – but we worked it, and it is worth it. i can’t stand to not see the man i wake up to.
dreamiest part #3 – is this obnoxious yet? opened my own business this year. took a huge risk. decided what i do well, how God has gifted me, is worthy of getting paid for it. as pastor’s wife, i do a ton of counseling, AND now, i am working with women that truly want MORE, and OUT of their junk. and it leads me and my family to live in greater contribution to the work and ministry we love.
bless you, for YOU. i lift up your dad. pray his recovery is full and strong.