Photo Credit: pixiespark, Creative Commons
I don’t know where we got the idea that it isn’t okay to want things, but somehow, we’ve gotten there, haven’t we?
Maybe it’s Paul’s teaching from the New Testament — “be content in all circumstances” — that cultivated this expectation, that we should never have any deep, lasting wants. I can see how we could draw that conclusion. It makes sense.
I’ve tried to train myself to be content, but instead I’ve taught myself to want nothing. I chastise myself at the first sign of desire, talk myself out of any kind of longing.
Wanting is dangerous.
But wanting is inevitable, isn’t it?
What would happen if you didn’t eat for more than a couple of hours — you would get hungry, wouldn’t you? If you didn’t get hungry, you’d wonder what was wrong. Maybe you’re coming down with something, or maybe you’re depressed. Maybe your metabolism isn’t working correctly.
Hunger is a sign of health.
The more I think about it, the more I feel like wanting is a sign of health, too. Wanting is part of being human.
It’s okay to want.
It’s okay to want a husband (or wife). Even if you don’t have one, even if you don’t see one on the horizon anytime soon. It’s okay to want one, and to admit you want one. It doesn’t make you seem ungrateful. It doesn’t make you seem weak or desperate.
Wanting is normal.
It’s okay to want a new outfit, even if you’re in a season where it wouldn’t be wise to buy one right now. Maybe you’re a student, or a young professional trying to pay off debt. Or, maybe your closet is packed with new-ish outfits already. You don’t have to feel embarrassed for wanting it.
It’s okay to want. You don’t have to pretend anymore.
It’s okay to want a piece of candy, even if you’re on a diet, even if it isn’t good for you. It doesn’t make you a bad person, or a weak person, to smell a delicious pastry and think to yourself, “that smells so good… I want one!”
In fact, if we try to prevent ourselves from ever wanting anything, we miss the power of what Paul is trying to communicate when he urges us to “be content in all circumstances.” The passage goes like this:
I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.
- Philippians 4:12b-13, NIV
Did you catch that? Paul doesn’t say that he never wants. He says he has learned the secret of being content, even in spite of his wants. Wanting and being content are not mutually exclusive. It isn’t easy, but he has learned the “secret” to doing both at once.
What’s his secret?
The strength that comes from knowing Jesus.
If you find yourself not wanting for anything, you should ask yourself if everything is okay. Are you coming down with a sickness? Are you depressed? Is your “metabolism” working okay?
Are you being honest with yourself? With God? With those around you?
The problem, if you ask me, isn’t the feeling of wanting, but the sense of entitlement that seems to come along with that feeling. I’m not sure where I got the idea that, just because I want something, means I deserve to have it.
It is possible to want things and not have them.
Sometimes I want a cookie, but choose not to eat it, even though I’m hungry. It might be because I’m fasting, dieting, or saving my appetite for dinner that is coming in less than an hour.
Maybe it’s because I know how I feel when I eat too much sugar.
This is the mark of being an adult, I think, when I am able to make choices that are good for me, sometimes in opposition to my wants and desires.
When I am able to admit my deepest longings, even when I do not have the means to meet them.
What do you want that you don’t have right now? To reply click HERE.
I agree with you. Wanting is not inherently wrong. Sometimes our desire is directed in the wrong direction. We listen to lies about how that thing we want will make us happy when they can’t, like the cookie. So, in typical evangelical style, we then throw the baby out with the bath water.
That’s a great point, Jeremy. I think we learn a lot about ourselves when we unpack why we want what we want, without just satisfying the want right away. The problem is that we very rarely leave space for answering that question. We just want something, and then go get it.
I agree, wanting something isn’t wrong. Until the wanting consumes us and controls our priorities. Which, I think, is what Paul was trying to get us to do – be content and not let our desires drive our lives, instead letting Christ be that driving force.
I also agree that restraint in the face of our desires – especially the ones that we *can* satisfy – is a mark of maturity.
That said, it’s much easier to agree and acknowledge the truth of these words on paper than it is to live it out. It’s much easier to completely deny our desires, in my experience. It makes me wonder where the line between restraint and denial is. Is the difference solely in the position of our hearts? I wonder.
When wanting begins to consume our thoughts and control our actions I think we have to ask ourselves what the desire is pointing to. If the desire is broken, it’s probably pointing to a broken train of thought. In that case, even meeting the “desire” won’t fix our problem, but paying attention to the desire and asking ourselves questions to trace it back to the root so we can fix it.
But yes, much easier said than done. Especially since sometimes we don’t see ourselves and our desires objectively.
Great post. I agree. Wanting and being content are not mutually exclusive. I think the key is to learn to listen to the desires that God has placed in your heart. They are His and for us to not want them to come to life is not good.
Tammy — yes, when we delight ourselves in him, God gives us the desires of our heart. We want what we want for a reason!
“It is possible to want things and not have them.” This seems simple and self-evident, yet nonetheless it rocked my perspective (for the better) this morning. Thanks
Kristy — sometimes we just need people to say things we already know in a simple way in order for it to sink in with us. I’m glad this helped you!
I’m loving the confirmation this gives me- sometimes I feel guilty for wanting things that may seem material or even trivial at times. I find some way to feel bad about wanting certain comforts knowing some people go days, months, and years without. The balance between making those “wants” happen and balancing them with other things is a definite challenge, but one I’m growing to appreciate each day.
Beez — the cool thing about “wanting” is that, when we give up those comforts (a latte each day, for example) in order to meet the need of a person with fewer luxuries (sponsoring a child in another country) the sacrifice is really meaningful.
The opposite is true when we pretend like we don’t want something. It’s almost like it steals the value of our gift, if we act like we didn’t really want it in the first place.
I hadn’t thought of it this way before. Thanks for the fresh, true thinking. For me, the problem of wanting comes when wanting negates gratitude , . . when the desired is an idol. If I’m living in Christ and his power, wanting isn’t a problem.
What do I want? Hmmmmm. On the it’s likely to happen want list–a tablet (and not one made of paper), a journal that I like, a clean(er) house. On the it’s definitely going to be a God thing list–a godly husband, a new and improved metabolism, healing in so many areas.
Sheryl — what’s so cool about admitting you want those things is that God wants you to have them! He wants other things for you too, like continued maturity and closeness with Him, and you might have to live without some of those things in trade for what He wants most for you, but there is no better feeling than praying for something you want (even something that may seem trivial) and watching God meet that need for you.
I also love what you said about gratitude. I think gratitude is muscle we have to exercise, just like the exercise of wanting.
Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” I think that we often forget Who created us and manifested those desires. It’s only when our focus is pulled away from Him that it starts to become toxic. Matthew 6:33 is another great one to highlight this point, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
Great post, Ally. Desires were meant to be fed. Just because they aren’t being fulfilled right away doesn’t mean He isn’t working on them
Whoops, I didn’t answer your question. I want a husband. There, I said it. But I am also trusting that this time in my life is from the Lord and He will give me one in His timing.
Melanie — I’m proud of you. It’s really hard to admit that. And it’s especially hard to admit it and still be patient as you wait for it. But I believe admitting what you want teaches us to trust God to provide it for us in His timing, especially when it’s a want we don’t have the means to meet ourselves.
Thanks for sharing part of your story, and for being honest. Blessings to you.
Totally agree. Wanting in and of itself isn’t bad. We’re “made to crave,” as Lysa TerKeurst wrote. God placed desires inside us — likes, wants, yearnings. It’s how we respond to them that sets us apart from others.
For me, I want a husband. (Not really big news considering I write a dating blog!) It’s true, I want one. A big ol’ stud who is kind and sweet and loves God and loves me. But I want a lot MORE than that, too — a successful career, opportunities to help others and share the Gospel, chances to support my family, children, dreams that I can achieve, great friendships, etc etc etc. I think it can be dangerous when we only want ONE thing, because there is a tendency to get obsessed with it. A broad view of the world around us and of how God can use us to reach it seems wise.
Great post!
Ruth — thanks for sharing that quote, and for being open about what you want. Will you e-mail me a link to your blog so I can check it out?
Glad you liked the post!
Wow, I literally just wrote a song and the lyrics were “Is it even alright to feel this way? Is it even alright to want these things? Because I’ve been told my whole life that I should be fully satisfied in You.” This blog was EXACTLY what I needed. Thank you!
That’s awesome, Nicole! I love when creative ideas jive like that, without even trying. So glad my thoughts could confirm the direction you were going. Thanks for reading and commenting.
I want to be done with university so badly,been procrastinating all week,been so tired and have not been to class at all this week.Ended up in the emergency room with an allergic reaction to paracetamol….and green jello,my favourite.I just want to be done with this stage in my life.
I know that feeling SO well. I’ve felt it in several stages of life. I’ll pray the time passes quickly for you, and that you find little blessings along the way to keep your spirits light.