Photo Credit: jonny2love, Creative Commons
Sometimes I give up too soon.
It started with math class in high school. I would try to work my way through a problem, get stuck halfway through, and throw my hands up in the air, frustrated. High school math (pre-calculus) was the first time I ever really struggled academically.
Did I have a predisposition to be worse at math than my classmates?
Maybe.
But instead of using the struggle to motivate me and make me better, I assumed it meant the struggle wasn’t worth engaging.
After all. I’m never going to be a mathematician. Am I?
I can think of a dozen other times I made similar decisions. I gave up on a friendship because I just couldn’t seem to make it work. I gave up on getting my point across because, well, I explained it once and “you just must not be a good listener.” I gave up on getting a job I wanted because I was lacking some necessary skills, and “It’s a tough market out there!”
But did I give up too soon?
Often, yes.
I think sometimes we even Christianize giving up. We encounter an obstacle in our path and we tell ourselves something like, “Yeah, I tried that, but God closed the door. He must not have meant for me to go that way.”
I’ve done this so many times.
Now I wonder — what if He did mean for me to go that way? What if He knew all along about the struggle I’d face? What if He could have used it for learning, growth, and creativity?
Overcoming obstacles makes us better.
If we give up every time we face an obstacle — if we see challenges as “closed doors” — we’ll never get anywhere.
I’m not saying it’s never a good idea to “give up” on something. Sometimes walking away is the best and healthiest thing we can do.
I’m just saying that, when it comes to giving up, “I can’t do it” isn’t usually a good answer.
We’re usually stronger than we think we are.
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“I think sometimes we even Christianize giving up” Love this point. Too many times I would find myself masking my fear as humility and justifying complacency in my life. Always finding myself looking for a way out and using “Christianity” to justify it. Now that I’ve called myself out on it and changed it over the years, I realize just how big of a problem it was. Really good post. Hope all is well.
Thanks Caleb. It’s crazy what lengths we will all go to in order to stay safe and protected, isn’t it? I’m glad to hear your finding how to step out of the complacency to live a more exciting and fulfilling life. Me too.
This is great, Allison. I often think about this too – the difference between God telling us, “This is me closing the door,” and Him nudging us, “Press on. Don’t give up on it yet.”
It’s a fine line, I think. And I can’t say that there’s a fool proof way of discerning between the two. But I think what it comes down to sometimes is just trusting God IN us and knowing that His will, perfect as it is, is contrived for the imperfect.
If there were a fool proof way of discerning it, it wouldn’t require any faith from us! I think that’s part of the process — maybe hanging on for too long at times, and maybe letting go too early, but learning that even our worse mistakes don’t derail us or disqualify us.
Thanks Diana. Appreciate your thoughtful comment.
Yeah I’m totally guilty of giving up too fast in favor of the “Christian” thing to do. I began this pattern as a teenager and it’s been difficult to break as I’ve grown up. When something became too hard I deflected the responsibility from myself to God and received praise for my “sacrifice” so why wouldn’t I continue the pattern?
Thanks for saying this.
Rebekah, thank you. So many are in a similar position. It IS hard to break the pattern. I’m curious to hear from you (and other readers) — what can you do to change the habits formed over years?
Hello,
Thanks for this post. It really resonated, because I have seen that I have the pattern of giving up too soon as well. Luckily, there have been people in my life who have sort of pointed to this pattern, but how to break out of it is a great question (or process of discernment). When I got frustrated a few years ago and moved out of state, it became clear to me I “gave up too soon.” Friends supported my decision, but I continue to wonder whether a decision like moving back is part of the learning and growing process.
Ally,
You already know of some of the challenges I have faced in trying to move to a different state. I think, if we listen to the still, small voice, instead of the booming voices all around us, this voice will often tell us to hold on, not to give up so easily. The reason I know I shouldn’t give up in spite of the struggles I am facing is because God isn’t a God of confusion, and I still have a sense of peace about this move, even when it feels like it will never happen.
I have Christianized giving up in the past, and have even contemplated taking that route now. The truth is every situation is different. Sometimes God does close a door, but often He wants us to kick doors down (to paraphrase Bob Goff).
YES! Thank you so much for sharing your story, Julia, and for your comment. You’re right, it is different from situation to situation, and there’s no way to know for sure (for sure) if we’re doing it right. All we can do is press in, listen the best we know how, and make the best decision we can with the information we’re given. We grow closer God in the middle of the chaos, regardless of what decision we make.
Still praying for you and your move. Thanks again for sharing.
Juila,
We are walking down the same road. Praying God continues to give you the peace I am so desperate to hold onto when every logical thought tries to steal it!
Learning when to quit and when to cling is hard. There’s much to be said for developing tenacity in your soul. Walking down that road right now with absolutely no answers, just a gut feeling.
Exactly. Thanks Caitlin.
When to quit and when to cling….oh I have been in this quandary many times. Thank goodness for intuition. Sometimes that’s all we have to go on.
I love this. I agree that it is easy to see challenges as closed doors but sometimes they aren’t. Thanks for this post. I look forward to reading your blog every day.
I LoVeD this post!
I’ve heard these two things before that may help with discerning what we are “hearing.” One, that if God gave you the vision or the dream, it’s for you. He doesn’t show you what possible and then say… “Oh, but that’s not for you.” Look at all the stuggle/victory that exists and see if many times people did not face defeat or hard times on numerous occasions before their dreams coming to fruition. Two, if you start thinking or speaking something, check it against what God says about you. Example: I can’t do lose 10 pounds, do this math problem, (fill in the blank). His wowrd says, I can do ALL things through Him. A good way to do this is say it out loud and put these words behind it, “In Jesus’ name.” So, you say, “I can’t lose 10 pounds in Jesus’ name.” See how silly that sounds?
And, by all means, I am also not telling you to not walk away when it’s healthy to do so. Like Ally said, “Sometimes walking away is the best and healthiest thing we can do.” Example: Don’t stay in an abusive relationship and twist it around so it makes sense. Try this, “I should stay in this abusive ralationship, in Jesus’ name.” See, He wants the very best for us.
Love to all of you though your stuggles!
I believe this is super well spoken. We often do classify “giving up”, as just stepping away from a “closed door”. The more I think about it – the journey is always far more beautiful when we are willing to leap and sometimes crawl or bound our way though obstacles – because the path ahead is worth foraging our way too. Thanks for this reminder! #challenged #thankful