I’m going to be honest. It’s been a really hard week.
It’s been such a hard week that I’m just now, Thursday night, sitting down to write this blog post. I don’t usually do that (usually I schedule them a week in advance) and I don’t even want to. It’s using all of my energy not to cash in one of the million excuses I have in my mind for why I should just skip it and go to bed.
You’re exhausted and overworked…
You should rest…
One day won’t hurt anything…
No one will even miss you if you don’t write…
But I’ve made a commitment to show up here three times each week and I’m going to honor that commitment; not for your sake necessarily (although I hope you benefit from it) but because it’s the right thing to do. I felt the conviction in my heart to write three times each week, and I’m going to follow through with that conviction, even when it isn’t easy.
There’s value in the struggle.
It’s easy to do things when they’re easy. I know that sounds obvious but I feel like I need the reminder right now. Sometimes I catch myself dreaming about my ideal life, or my ideal job where I would feel energized and happy all the time, and while I don’t think it’s wrong to dream and push toward what we want, sometimes I think I lose sight of the fact that life isn’t supposed to be easy all the time.
In fact, writing for a living is my ideal life, and here on this blog, I have an opportunity to do it, and I can still find reasons to complain.
Sometimes I think I suffer from a sense of entitlement that, when things get hard, something must be wrong.
What if the “ideal” life and the “ideal” job that God has for us includes struggle?
What if it isn’t always fair? What if that’s part of it?
Something happens when I struggle.
I become someone different. Sometimes, the change is for the worse. I’m finding that in myself lately — that when life gets hard, and the pressure is on, I see the worst parts of myself emerge. If I’m not getting enough sleep, or enough food, or the right kinds of food, or if I’m feeling really emotionally drained, you’ll start to see a different side of Ally come out.
Usually it comes out all over the people I love the most, and it isn’t pretty.
Here’s the thing. When the pressure is on, my true character emerges. I am who I am when I haven’t slept, haven’t eaten and when things haven’t gone my way. All the rough spots and ugly places rise to the surface and it gives me a chance to face the hard reality that I’m not as nice, or as patient, or as graceful as I think I am.
I can’t blame it on my circumstances, or my surroundings. That wouldn’t be fair. The problem isn’t outside of me. The problem is me.
If I’m willing to be humble in these moments, to admit that they are because of my weakness, they give me some of the greatest opportunities for growth and change.
These moments also open space for God to show up. Don’t get me wrong, I think God is with us all the time, weather we’re struggling or not, but sometimes, when big needs aren’t met by those around us, or when they can’t be met because of our circumstances, it gives God the chance to meet our needs in a supernatural way.
Isn’t that what a miracle is? God meeting our needs in a way that the natural world isn’t able?
Sometimes I need to struggle to be reminded that I’m human, that I’m limited, and that God is not.
The struggle in life points out my need for Him.
I thank God all the time for moments, days and times that are little glimpses of heaven. I thank Him for frozen yogurt or date night with my husband or a nap in the middle of the day, but when was the last time I thanked Him for the struggle? When was the last time I thanked him for my lack of sleep, or the work load that is too big for me, too much for me to handle?
When was the last time I thanked him for a fight with a co-worker, or a family member? When was the last time I thanked him for a lack of friends, or of community, or for the things I can’t afford to buy?
When was the last time I told him that I didn’t have what it takes to take care of myself, and asked Him to do it for me?
Question: When was the last time you thanked him for the struggle?
I don’t think I have thanked Him for my new job, working grave yards, the difficult people I have to work with, or all the time I feel sleepy; I agree that it brings out a different person. I’m learning to lean on God and my husband more. Thank you God.
P.s . Thanks for writing! I would have missed it.
Thanks Isabel! That means a lot to me. I’m glad the post was helpful for you, and I hope I can join you in thanking God for the struggle in my life.
Ally,
Whether you’re writing twice a week or once a month, the way you pour your heart into what you say is enough. Please take heart and know you’re not alone in your struggles. I’m not going to go into some big elaborate comment but I will say everything you’ve said here is spot on. I relate. I understand.
*Hugs to you* <3
Wow, Julie, thank you for your kind words of encouragement, and for reading and commenting on nearly every post. I’m so glad that you’ve become a part of this community.
Thanks for your transparency. Thanking Him now.
You’re welcome, Sundi!
“The problem isn’t outside of me. The problem is me.” SO VERY TRUE. I’ve had a really tough week too. I feel like a war was raging inside of me and my mind was the battlefield. Now I’m looking at it post-war and thinking, “How can I clean this all up?” But like you said, this struggle shows my need for Christ. Thank you for writing this Ally. I feel so much better reading this!
“How can I clean this all up?” I really resonate with that statement and yet it made me realize, at the same time, I’m looking in the wrong direction. His glory is made manifest in my weakness. If my life is a mess — awesome! That’s when He does His best work.
“I am who I am when I haven’t slept, haven’t eaten and when things haven’t gone my way.”
At church this week, our pastor talked about dealing with conflict, and he said that your reaction to conflict isn’t about the conflict or about the other person — it’s about YOU. I know we love dodging responsibility, but this post was a perfect “take a look at yourself” wake-up call for me.
Scotty — awesome. Glad I could join the choir God is using to teach you in this season. I’m learning right along with you.
“When was the last time I thanked him for a lack of friends, or of community, or for the things I can’t afford to buy?”
In this season- the lack of friends/community/money I needed to be reminded of this. I sit awake at night surrendering this season to Him and now I will be thanking Him for it more than before.
Thank you for that. For again as always pointing me back toward Him.
Florida is even harder than I thought it would be and this last sentence- “When was the last time I told him that I didn’t have what it takes to take care of myself, and asked Him to do it for me?” Is what I have been trying to live by.
I am finding that in this season I am relearning who the Lord has created me to be. All the best and worst parts of me are also trickling out and now I will thank him for that.
Thanks for being honest Ally!
You’re welcome for being honest!
I’m so thankful that you’re doing life with me in this season. You’ve seen me at my best and my worst — and I’m thankful that you love me anyway. That’s what family does. I’m so excited to see all the ways that God continues to teach us as we struggle through this difficult season together. Thank God for each other.
Thank you, I needed this. <3
You’re welcome! Thanks for reading.
Thanks for your writing and for your honesty. The struggles in life are what develop our character. Without conflict, we wouldn’t grow. I don’t give thanks for that as often as I should. Thanks for the reminder.
Montia — you’re welcome!
“Without conflict, we wouldn’t grow.” That’s a great way to put it. It really puts the conflict into perspective.
I love your line “The struggle in life points out my need for Him.” I once heard a pastor say, “The thing that you’ve prayed for God to take away and He hasn’t, He’s using to keep you close to Him.” It puts everything into perspective.
Katie
Katie — that’s awesome. You’re right, it really does put things into perspective.
Oh yes. I love this post. Struggles are so important. I think of it even in how our bodies work. The only way our muscles become stronger is if we use them to the point when they hurt a little.
I love the way your struggle has turned you towards God. That’s what I see so often in the Psalms. The Psalmists struggle and complain and press hard against difficult circumstances, but ask God to intervene. They pray and God meets them in that place.
“If I’m willing to be humble in these moments, to admit that they are
because of my weakness, they give me some of the greatest opportunities
for growth and change.” Amen. Amen.
Stephanie — I love the comparison to our bodies. That metaphor helps solidify the concept for me even more. Perfect.
Thanks for adding your insight.
oh ally, i needed this. i have had a crummy week and been asking myself if i made a mistake or if something is wrong with me. thank you so much for the reminder that the ideal life is not the easy life.
Tim — you’re welcome! We’re all in it together. If life is hard, it means we’re doing it right. Hang in there. Hope you have a nice restful weekend ahead.
Thanks for voicing this, Ally. Reading this as I sit to write something similar from my own story. To see even the struggle as a kind of grace must be essential to what it means to be a Christian, no?
I had a crummy day. Thank you for writing this blog despite your hard week. You encourage me.
Good one Ally! I’m glad you wrote too! God does indeed use the hard times, the difficult moments, the struggles to keep us relying on Him. He is strength in our weakness and exchanges our ashes for beauty. Love these words from Mercy Me, Bring the Rain:
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there’ll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that’s what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
Someone linked your post on our Tuesday Treasures linkup. I can see why, thank you for these words! So often we really don’t want struggles, but God continues to show me that we all struggle. We will continue to struggle, and we need to know how to handle these struggles. It’s pretty amazing to think that we can glorify Him through our praises during the struggles that life brings us.
The struggle in life points out my need for Him.
Amen!