Photo Credit: Auntie P, Creative Commons
I quit my job at Starbucks.
I wasn’t really planning on quitting. It wasn’t like I had been sitting around thinking about how tired I was of working there. In fact, I actually really like my job at Starbucks. I work with really nice people. My job is fun. I make tips and have great benefits. And the best part is that, at the end of the day, I don’t have to bring my work home with me (unless of course you count my free coffee…)
But I had been praying that I would know the right time to transition from part-time writing to full-time writing. I was praying that God would make it really clear to me, so that I wouldn’t have to wonder. And the other day, when I was in the shower, it was like God answered that prayer. It was really clear to me.
It’s time.
It didn’t happen the way I expected it to. I guess I expected a little more fanfare or drama or something. I expected a huge paycheck, or a promise of a bunch of small paychecks coming, or someone promising me that I wouldn’t have to worry about what I would do for health insurance in the next few months.
Instead it was just this feeling in my gut, this settling, this sense of certainty and peace. It was as if I just knew (that I knew that I knew) it was time. I was supposed to quit.
But that didn’t make it easy.
The next day, when I had to tell my manager (and my friends) that I was giving my two weeks notice, I was still worried about how they would respond. I was still sad I wouldn’t see them everyday anymore. I still felt like I was letting people down. My voice still shook when I said the words.
I still had a sudden surge of panic when co-worker said, matter-of-factly,
“Well, if you need to go to the doctor, you better do it now.”
And as I drove home I felt it sink in. Quitters remorse. “Oh no, what if I’ve done something terribly wrong?”
My husband, in his attempt to calm me, told me that it wasn’t that big of a deal; and I figured he was right. He usually is. But I also couldn’t help but think, privately, Not that big of a deal? How do you know? Every decision matters, doesn’t it? What if it is a big deal? How are you supposed to know the “right” thing to do in a given situation? What if it’s a very big deal?
What if I just made a huge mistake?
But just as I was getting carried away I felt this tiny, silent voice deep inside of me say,
“Go ahead, ruin your life. I dare you.”
I’m not sure if it was God, but it certainly seemed like it was. It seemed like it had to be someone who knew me well enough to know that I’m obsessed with making the “right” decision, that I’m terrified to make a “wrong” decision, that I’m always scared of ruining my life. It felt like it had to be God, because it felt like He was challenging me a little, saying:
Seriously? Can you give me a little more credit than that?
I’ve made some bad decisions in my life, and I’ve lived the consequences for them. I drank too much in college, and had the grades to prove it. I had sex before I was married (which was, by the way, not unrelated to the drinking too much) and surprise, surprise, it’s shown up in my marriage. And there was this one haircut in my early twenties that tops the charts for poor life choices.
So far, I haven’t ruined my life.
In fact, God has taken even my worst decisions and used them for his Glory.
I’m tired of living my life dictated by a fear of doing the wrong thing. I’m not going to do it anymore. You can’t ruin your life by choosing the “wrong” college or quitting the “wrong” job at the “wrong” time or moving to the “wrong” state. Can you? I’m still processing this, but if I had to give you my answer now, I would say I think you can’t.
God is bigger than that. Isn’t He?
I’m not saying that there’s no such thing as a wrong decision. Wrong decisions still exist. What I’m saying is that God doesn’t play chicken with us. He is faithful above our bad decisions. He’s not trying to pull the wool over our eyes. He’s not trying to keep the right decisions from us. Our eyes, our ears, our discernment may fail us, but…
If we’re living our lives in honest pursuit of Truth, I believe we’ll find it.
Don’t you?
Question: What hard decisions have you had to make lately? How did you know if it was right or wrong? To leave a reply click here
There are so many decisions, even now, that I don’t think I’ll ever know if they were right or not. I struggle a lot with questioning if I’m making the right decision or not. I go back and forth all the time with decisions. It’s actually quite frustrating that I can’t just stick to one choice. Your post is encouraging and a great reminder. You’re very right in saying that we can’t ruin our lives if we tried. God will always have our back. Thanks for that.
Someday, when I get to heaven I’m going to ask God to tell me about right decisions and wrong ones, at which point he’ll probably tell me I missed the point and just invite me to come sit at the table with Him.
Hi Allison,
I fell into a rabbit hole today and stumbled across your post about quitting your job. I just quit my job too so I found your words very encouraging. I kicked myself for several days after I resigned, thinking I had made a big mistake. And maybe I did. But I think you’re right about us missing the point. It’s not the job we work at, the person we marry, or the house we live in that God is so concerned about, although I believe He cares about the details of our lives too. But I think it’s the relationship we have with Him that matters most. And He can take our jobs, our marriages, and most of all our mistakes, and use them to grow us closer to Him. He has a way of making beautiful from barren. Oh thanks so much for your honesty. I felt like I was in a class of my own the way I made people drop their jaws and shake their heads with my decision!
Exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I’m considering an out-of-country move, and sometimes I get lost in fear of the decision. “THIS COULD DICTATE MY ENTIRE LIFE,” and I can’t even think rationally or consider other possibilities for the fear of it. However, I am slowly learning that God redeems, and that His work in me is not dependent on my zip code. Thanks for the post!
Scotty — yes. God is not confined by the same limitations we have like time and place. Your decision to move overseas will impact the rest of our life, but there is no question if the move will be a positive/negative shift. Positive turns in our story come in His redemptive purposes for us, which exist regardless of location.
Well, I do think it’s a big deal – a big fat hairy scary deal – but I’m also proud of you for having the courage to follow through on what appears to be clear direction. I imagine that you’ll have some moments of questioning it, but am also very interested to see where it leads you.
Thank you Lucie! I’ll definitely keep everyone posted.
I also struggle with a fear of doing the wrong thing, or irreparably mucking things up. But knowing I’m not alone in this, and that God’s redemptive power is not limited by my mistakes, well, it helps me to be braver going forward. Thank you!
I think we have the wrong idea about bravery sometimes. It isn’t gifted, it’s earned, and it’s the cumulation of a bunch of small steps in the right direction. It’s like quarters I put in a piggy bank. I just keep taking tiny steps in the right direction, and before I know it I’ve come further than I thought I could.
“What I’m saying is that God doesn’t play chicken with us. He is faithful above our bad decisions. He’s not trying to pull the wool over our eyes. He’s not trying to keep the right decisions from us.”
What a great point. Easy to forget that, especially when people just chime in with their cliches to justify why things seem to happen the way they do.
That’s a really brave decision, and how awesome to be able to focus on your writing like that!!
Thanks Caris! I’m really excited to focus on writing full-time, and excited to see what God does with my small step of obedience. He always seems to multiply our efforts.
Brought tears to my eyes this morning. I am thankful for the career I’m in because it brings me back to God so often. Today I read Psalm 5 and it says “…let all those that put their trust in You rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because you defend them: let them also that love Your name be joyful in You. For You, Lord, will bless the righteous; with favor will You compass him/her as with a shield.”
I am thankful this morning that I cannot ruin my life, that my life is in the palm of His hand and He can use every decision for His glory!
Tabitha, that’s awesome. I’m so glad that my words could encourage you and speak to you right where you are, even though you and I are in different places.
And thanks for sharing that Psalm. I love the Psalms. They remind me that I’m allowed to cry out to God, question him, and praise him all in the same sentence.
I love that God doesn’t play chicken with us. I love that He speaks to us in still, small voices and let’s us pursue our story, as a part of His greater story.
Writing full time?!?!? AMAZING! Way to take that step of faith!
Thank you Ruthie! I’m so excited. Can’t wait to see what God has in store.
It all comes down to God’s sovereignty–if we actually believe he is sovereign over all, every piece of our lives, why are we often afraid to live like it? “He is faithful above our bad decisions.” Great words.
Thanks Brianna!
I don’t remember where I heard this, maybe from my Dad as he was trying to give me a pep talk. Regardless of the source, it’s very true.
“There’s no mistake you can make, no wrong choice so wrong that God can’t fix it if you’ll let Him.”
Thanks John. That’s a great addition.
ally, thanks so much for this. it’s like you’re speaking right at me. or at least god is. i have been paralyzed by fear of making the wrong decision often over the past few months as i have begun my journey of writing rediscovery.
I don’t mean to get super spiritual, but I think the enemy wins when we are paralyzed by fear. In fact, I think that the worst decision we can make is no decision at all, because we’re too afraid to act.
I’ve been there. I know what it feels like. Admit your weakness and humbly, confidently, take small steps of faith forward.
I dare you.
First thing, I’m practically in awe of your courage to follow.
Moving back to the East Coast is still the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. I know it was the right thing, but sometimes I do thing of the “what ifs” (I even blogged about it Thursday).
I have this voice in my head that tells me to quit my job pretty often, but I always talk myself out of it. So thanks for sharing your heart it helps me.
Sarah — I know how you feel. The “what-if” game is kind of dangerous and necessary and normal all at the same time. I’ve done it too (even with something as sacred as marriage, which is something you’ll never hear Christians talk about, it’s such a Christian no-no).
It’s only when we’re honest with God about our doubts and fears and even our desire to hit the “rewind” or “delete” button that He gets to show us He is bigger.
Thanks for reading. We’re on the journey together. Glad I could encourage you to keep up the good/hard work.
The older I get and the more hindsight I gain, the more I can see that God has worked even some of my most disastrous decisions for the good. Looking back and seeing His fingerprints there has given me a lot more confidence to look forward and know that they will be there too, whether I see them at the time or not.
That’s awesome, Larry, and encouragement for those of us a few years younger to keep moving forward with the confidence that God is for us. He is on our team. He wants what is good for us, and He’s not trying to hide his will from us.
Thanks for sharing.
Yes.
I love this from start to finish because you’re so right, and I needed to hear this so badly. We’ve chosen the wrong church, I bought the wrong car and I’m even sometimes sure we’re living in the “wrong house”
Yet here we are living well, bravely and with a sense of purpose above it all. Just with a little less money and square footage than we’d have it we’d been patient. But oh the lessons we have learned!
Also, I think I had that haircut. Wanna swap pics?
Leanne — I love your perspective here. The sense of purpose you’re talking about, that’s what trumps even our worst decisions, isn’t it?
Keep doing what you’re doing, making the best decisions you know how based on the information and life experience you’ve been gifted.
As for the haircut, I’m pretty sure I didn’t let anyone take a picture of me until it grew out. How is that for insecure?
Recieved a call today about job opportunity. Correct, recieved not made the call. God is at work in my life. Enjoy your words, many thanks!
Julia, that’s awesome. Don’t be afraid to move when you feel the prompting. Congratulations!
I’m so glad I’m not alone in this! There have been people in my life that I love and respect that have told me that I’ve settled for this or that choice is wrong, and I struggle with hearing those words. I struggle because I look at the story of Joseph’s brothers selling him into slavery (clearly the wrong choice, right?) and how God worked it out for the good. Abraham, Jacob, Peter…. all these people made what looks like obvious mistakes in their lives, yet God is faithful to make all things good in their lives. Oh, they suffer the consequences of the choices they make. But God rises above even that and clearly moves in and through their lives. He is bigger than their wrongs. If He is faithful to do good things in their lives, despite their mistakes, can He not do the same in my own life? Suppose I did settle in certain areas of my life, or clearly made the worst decisions and am suffering the consequences. Can God not turn the ashes of my life into beauty? My hope is He will. And I know He does… and is doing so.
Denise, thanks for sharing your story. Not a single significant character in the Bible gets through life without an epic mistake or two. His strength is made perfect in our weakness. We know He will turn our ashes into beauty. It’s God’s character.
I’m not sure how well-intentioned people miss this reality when they’re giving their opinions and advice, but I’m sorry you’ve fallen victim to that.
needing to decide whether i should move out of my beautiful apartment,which i share with someone with whom i do not feel at peace with.financially it would be better,but I will be moving to another country in about 4 months and so it would not make sense in that sense…sigh……..sigh…..sigh……
Those decisions can be so nerve-wracking, but you’ll know the right thing to do. Keep praying, keep seeking, and wait to move until you have a good sense about the right decision. I’ll be praying for you.
Sometimes we have to let go of one thing to get something better.
This is so timely, Ally. I recently made a request to have my teaching position cut from full time to part time so that I could cope with my workload. I won’t know for at least a week what will be decided, and it’s been a scary time of thinking I already made the wrong decision because if they do cut it, it will be a financial loss.
At the same time, I’ve been feeling a tiny urge that says “this will give you the time you need to develop your other interests”. I’m only 23! It doesn’t make me a failure to decide at this point that a full time teaching career may not be right for me. Yet.
It’s encouraging to be reminded that God will show up no matter what decisions I make, and He’ll make them work for His good no matter what. Thanks for your sharing your experiences.
Robyn — yes. It DOES NOT make you a failure to do what is right for you, ever. Anyone who tries to tell you that is just manipulating you into doing what they want you to do.
Way to be brave and take a step of faith. You won’t regret it. I promise!
I’ll be praying that His will would be done as the situation unfolds.
“I had been praying that I would know the right time… that God would make it really clear to me, so I wouldn’t have to wonder.”
… I’m in that stage right now. I have to make a couple of big decisions, but they are decisions that don’t have to be made today or even tomorrow (although the impatient part of me struggles to admit this). That being said, I’ve been praying that the Lord will give me clarity when it is time, and also the strength to walk this out.
I’m so excited for you! You bless so many through your writing. What a gift to be able to do something you love full-time.
Know that I am praying for you.
Julia — thank you for your words! I’ll be praying for you in your season of waiting… that God will make your next move as clear to you as He did for me.
One time when I was job hunting, I was driving home from an interview that had been less than stellar due to my lack of preparation when I got a call about several other interviews I had missed because of not being diligent in searching. In that moment, I experienced both conviction and peace. I was convicted because I knew I wasn’t being responsible with the gifts I had been given. And peace because, as my brother and I have taken to saying, “God is bigger than my idiocy.” Shortly after, a friend encouraged me that if I was seeking the Lord, the way I was walking might not be right on track, but it could not be 180 degrees from where He wanted me. I take care of being obedient. He takes care of the grace.
Bethany — what a great story. Thank you for sharing that.
I must say I envy you. I don’t mean that in a spiteful way, it actually warmed my heart to read your story and now that really my thoughts and fears could actually be just like someone else. I’m really lost at this point in my life and to be honest I’ve never had that “it’s time” gut feeling when I needed it the most. Usually it isn’t until the dust has cleared from my mistakes that I realize I ended up in a good spot but by that point I’m struggling to move forward. It makes me wonder if I’ve done something wrong, or I’m just not wired right like everyone else, that I can’t hear what God has for me. It might just be all in my head but I do hope that one day I feel the same way you did.
I can totally relate to you. Your blog really encouraged me and reminded me of what I really needed to remember and really needed hear…
I just got married in July, and between our wedding and now, we decided to have me quit my full time job and start a business.
My income was what paid our bills (and was the much larger salary of the two), and my husbands income was our savings and play money. When we decided I needed to quit my job, we understood our income would be cutting in over half. We understood it would be a while until we had play money or were able to put money into savings again, we understood that it would be a huge adjustment for the both of us (not just financially), we understood this was what we felt God was leading us towards… but I truly didn’t understand just HOW hard it would be. I didn’t understand the toll it would take on me, and how it would affect our brand new marriage.
The past few months have been so incredibly difficult. They have been filled with so many tears, late night conversations, doubts, fears, worry, anxiety, many not-much-sleep-nights, depression and loneliness… But they have also been filled with joy, fun, laughter, chances to actually enjoy my husband instead of working 65 hours a week, my husband and I growing closer to each other in amazing ways, God showering us with His amazing grace and provision and most of all they have been filled with that still small voice cheering me on, encouraging me that we made the right decision, and He is blessing our obedience.
Great job taking a step in obedience, and now… hang on for the amazing journey He has in store for you and your husband. I am so excited for you, and equally excited to hear about it. Thank you for your honesty and willingness to share your raw, uncut feelings.
I recently made a tough decision about choosing God’s will over my own. I was in a relationship with a non-Christian guy, and despite maintaining sexual boundaries at the start of the relationship, as time passed I felt I was drifting from God. I gave into temptation and became sexually active with my boyfriend, and sex became a normal part of our relationship. During this time I felt so torn between staying committed to God and loving him, and committing to my boyfriend. For several months I felt I was living a double life, like I was two-timing God. It was a very emotionally confusing time as I felt such guilt and shame for having sex, but also wanted sex within the relationship because of the emotional bond with my boyfriend. It was at church one day when I had a ‘lightbulb moment’ and the emotional black cloud was lifted. I realised that God loved me despite everything and he was welcoming me back with open arms. After that I told my boyfriend that I needed to stay committed to God and love him with an undivided heart, and this meant no more premarital sex. He said sex was too important to him and ended the relationship. I know I have made the right decision by listening to God, even though it cost me my relationship. Since the break up I have gained so much by reconnecting with God, and have felt such peace and contentment, not to mention a clear conscience. This is how I know I made the right decision. From where I am now it is easy to see I made the right choice, but at the time I felt so many conflicting thoughts and feelings and was terrified of losing my boyfriend. I am so thankful that God gave me that moment of clarity and the right decison was made.
Wow, amazing blog format! How long have you been running a blog for? you make running a blog look easy. The overall look of your site is wonderful, let alone the content material!