This week I introduced the topic of modesty and it doesn’t surprise me that it sparked a good discussion.
I’ve written about it, talked about it with friends and total strangers, read your comments, and now as I sit awake late at night under the harsh glow of my computer screen, there are a few things that rise to the surface…
Modesty and Context.
Different attire is appropriate in different contexts. Many of you mentioned this dynamic at work. What is modest in one place isn’t modest in another.
Someone even wrote (I love this) “Even the most modest swimsuit would never be considered appropriate to wear to church.”
Since modest attire changes with context, I think we can all benefit from developing a perspective that offers grace for “rules” and boundaries that are constantly in flux.
Modesty & Motivation.
Many commenters mentioned that modesty is as much about attitude as it is about apparel, and I think this distinction is important. It makes sense.
The way I see myself and my sexuality impacts how I dress and how I act.
If I am afraid of my sexuality, or see it as dangerous, my dress will reflect that. So will my attitude. If I leverage my sexuality for power or manipulation, that will reveal itself in dress and attitude as well.
Modesty & Sex Appeal.
I wonder if our issue with modesty really reveals the many misunderstandings we have when it comes to sexuality or sex appeal.
As a young woman I’m often torn between being naive to my own “sex appeal,” and feeling apologetic for it. At my worst moments I’m aware of it and how much power it gives, and work to keep and leverage my control… (who doesn’t like to be in control?)
Regardless where we fall on the spectrum, we would do well to challenge and grow our perspective, and that only happens in a community of people who are willing to be honest and commit to listening carefully to one another.
Modesty and Fairness.
Modesty is not always fair. We can talk around the subject or try to diffuse it or equalize it but there’s no real, honest way to do that.
A topless man will never have the effect on a woman that a topless woman does on a man.
I want men to have a healthy view of women’s bodies and a healthy control of their own sexuality. I want them to win the war against sexual addictions and pornography and lust.
And, no, I’m not going to change my clothes for every man who asks me, but that doesn’t mean that sometimes, when the situation warrants it, I’m not willing to wear longer shorts.
Men. I am on your team. Ladies. Will you be on their team with me?
After all, if they win, so do we.
Modesty and Perspective.
The most interesting thing I’ve discovered as I’ve opened the conversation about modesty is that the answer isn’t as closely linked to faith perspective as I thought it was.
It isn’t like “Christians” think of modesty one way and “Non-Christians” think of it another.
The issue is way more nuanced than that.
In fact, I’ve had conversations with all kinds of men in the past few weeks, and most of them have come to really similar conclusions, regardless of faith perspective.
- Modesty is sexy.
- Sexy is a good thing
- A woman can be modest and sexually attractive
- Men are in charge of their own response (thoughts, actions, etc)
So what’s the takeaway? I would argue it’s less about changing the way we dress and more about strengthening our perspective. Here’s what I mean by that.
First, it’s about developing a healthy view of our own sexuality.
A healthy view of sex allows me to be sexual in the right ways at the right times. As a woman, I don’t have to be afraid of being appealing to a man. Being sexy is a good thing. But…
It’s also about listening and understanding.
I think if we’re willing to put down our biases and anxieties for just a second and listen, something really important will happen.
We’ll walk away with a more dynamic view of ourselves, and of the men and women who are a part of our community. It will make us more sensitive. More compassionate. More open. More complete.
That’s my two cents, but the conversation isn’t closed. I’m still open to hearing yours.
Brilliant
Thanks John
Glad you liked it.
Refreshing to see these ideas talked about…it always hits a nerve when we talk about modesty, but we need to keep the conversation open and ongoing! One thing I’ll add is that when my husband and I were dating, I remember him saying something I have carried with me: Modesty is not the heart issue, personhood is. Modesty is the exercise that protects the person….
It’s just a practice upholding something even greater, and benefiting both men and women.
And thank you for affirming a woman is allowed to be beautiful and sexually attractive (different from sexually objectified) while still being modest. We are human! We appreciate beauty! And that is a beautiful thing.
I love that, Stephanie! Thanks for sharing your husband’s thoughts. A good reminder that “modesty” flows from the heart.
Love the way you summed up all the comments and conversations. Thank you for talking about men being in control of their own thought life! I’m with you, that I want to be on their side to help them win in that aspect but I’m also glad I don’t have to wear a burka or a turtleneck on a hot summer day. I remember growing up and when they talked about modesty in youth group it seemed like the unfair pressure was placed on the girls strictly because they were girls. I’m glad to see our brothers in Christ defending women on this issue so we can be free to be beautiful and sexy as God created us and not sex objects. I like the balanced view!
Thanks for the encouragement, Felicia! And for participating in the discussion.
I’m not going to run away and marry an Islamic woman, but sometimes I will see woman in a hijab and she will be very appealing to my eye. I can find sexy in just eyes and a face.
Women, you don’t have to show a lot of cleavage or a lot of leg to be sexy. It’s your choice if you do so or not. Us men are responsible of how we will think and respond to what you wear.
If you show some cleaveage, am I going to stare at them and fantasize while we speak? Am I going to judge you and ignore you? Am I going to take the time and find out who you really are? It’s still my responsibility to treat you in Christ-like way no matter how you dress.
Brian, I admire you for taking personal responsibility. And you’re so right. Sexiness is about way more than how much skin is showing. Check out Natalie’s comment below (and my response). I’d love to hear your thoughts on the question, too.
I learned a long time ago that if you’re talking about a moral issue, and there is no controversy, you’re probably not speaking enough truth. So kudos on that, Ally!
In considering this topic over the past few days, I’ve struggled with it. I’ve got my own ideas on what modesty means, and I largely agree with what folks here have been saying. It’s contextual, it depends on motivation and perspective, it’s unfair, etc.
However I can’t help but imagine how I might teach a daughter about this at some point in the future. My hope is that her mother and I will have done a good job and instilled in her a strong sense of self, a heart after God, and a deep understanding of her own value. For herself, I don’t think we’d need to teach such a daughter about modesty. It would be a natural outgrowth of her character.
As we’ve discussed though, her level of modesty has little to do with how the men around her will respond. Does this mean she should disregard the struggles of the men around her? It is their problem after all, not hers. Because she walks in love though, she’ll do what she can to help her fellow man. Maybe that means covering up a little more, or maybe that means simply removing herself from the situation (or having the men remove themselves). This isn’t a misunderstanding of her own sexuality or beauty or value, but an understanding of the fallen nature of man. It’s an attempt to show compassion for weakness, not weakness in itself.
This is pie-in-the-sky, rose-colored glasses-ville that I’m imagining of course. But to express love in everything we do is the ultimate goal, isn’t it?
John, I really like your honesty and I think “pie-in-the-sky” rose-colored ideals are what we need sometimes to move us in the right direction.
I also really like that you’re considering what you would tell your daughter about modesty. I think other single men and women would do well to consider the same. It might change our perspective.
I LOVE THIS: ”I think if we’re willing to put down our biases and anxieties for just a second and listen, something really important will happen.”
So many good things happen when we really listen to one another. One of the most important things about what you have catalyzed here is that you have men and women “talking out” rather than “acting out” their feelings. Each gender has so much to learn from the other.
Beautiful work, Ally.
I probably learned that from you. Thanks dad.
I don’t entirely disagree, but I don’t entirely agree either. My personal expample that I’ve been giving consideration to in my wardrobe is: A pair of short, athletic shorts, perfect for wading around Jamison square chasing children, or going on a hike on a hot day. Often paired with a tank top with string straps. Comparing this outfit, that shows a fair amount of skin, with the modest dress I’m wearing today. I would bet that the dress would demand more attention. This dress goes down to my knees and up to my clavicle with three inch “straps.” It is not too fitted and not too loose, and has an elegant flare in the skirt. The shorts are not trashy, they are cute and casual. They fit me appropriately for the shape my body is in. The dress, casual, but still beautiful and elegant. It is sexier. To me, sexy is what makes men stumble. So what does modest mean? Like I said in previous posts, a woman’s shape is simply beautiful. I think anything showing shape will make some men struggle. Skin, or no skin. I think men who have a problem, or obsession with skin, have a problem. They need to change their minds, rather than making women wear large, shapeless clothing on hot days.
Natalie, you make a really great point that modesty is about more than just how much skin is showing. And I’ve never seen the dress you’re wearing but knowing you I would say it is probably modest and sexy
I also loved your peanut-allergy example from yesterday. Perfect analogy for how we teach people to manage and live with their personal needs, rather than just teaching them to follow rules and regulations.
You may be right that “Men who have an obsession with skin need to change their minds” but “changing our minds” is so much easier said than done.
This is my question: How do men go about “changing their minds”? And how can we as women help them do that?
The man has to remind himself that their is a person in that body, no matter how ugly, beautiful, or sexy it may be. She’s not the same as a sexy car or beautiful painting. She’s a living being, and is worthy of his respect. At the same time, his wife or future wife demands his respect and faithfulness to her. The man needs to remind himself of these things constantly.
That is a great question Ally! My initial response is somewhat lacking in compassion.
As I am the crazy person who is currently not eating any form of sugar, and has “made” myself learn to like fish and avacados. Foods that I once hated. Though I am a far cry from perfect (and quite sinful indeed), in some areas, I have incredible self control. So, I often expect the same from others.
Opening my Bible, I came across a perfect chapter. gal 6:2, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” This was humbling to me.
Then, Gal 6:4-5 says, “But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each one will have to bear his own load.” This was a little more my style.
Also Gal 6:8, “For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.”
So, what should we focus on? My mind went straight to Phil 4:8, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just , whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
To me, knowing you, your shorts were not too short. Those who criticized were not focusing on the right things. As a few people mentioned, you surely were not dressing to entice. You were dressing for practicality and comfort on a hot day. A hot day, mind you, where you were speaking in public. An activity known to make one’s heart race, and increase temperature further. I’m sure you wore them with ease and class, and was thankful for the cool breeze.
How do we help someone change their minds about the way their thought process should go? That’s tough. If I knew, I’d be getting paid for holistic nutrition advice. I don’t, and I’m not. To be healthy in the mind, and in the body takes the desire of each individual. You have to want it to win it.
So, the way a woman dresses can only go so far. A man with a lustful nature will lust anyway. It’s his choice not to focus on the beauty of God’s creation.
When I see a woman who is in shape showing some leg, my first thoughts are, “I wonder what kind of workouts she does; I wonder if she counts calories, or eats for nutrients; and good on on her.” There is so much more to a womans legs than sexuality. They carry her through her day. They provide a seat for children. They can be used for dancing, or running off anxieties. Even, kneeling in prayer. So maybe because of my non glamorous lifestyle of being a nanny, and my scientific veiw of the body, I simply see sexuality differently. Also, I’m a woman, so it’s easy for me to say..
And I’ve got more!
As the verses say above, we should carry each others burdens, and also, our own. So, while it is a woman’s responsibility to help a man not to lust for her body. We must be careful not to stunt his spiritual responsibility to respect women. If we keep tying a four year old’s shoe, we’ll end up with a ten year old who still can’t tie his own shoes. If we hide our bodies, and deny the sexuality of our natural figures, we’ll create a world where men are accustomed to being accomodated for. They say “jump.” And we, being compassionate, and respectful of the men we love, say, “how high.” This is a dangerous road to go down.
At some point we must demand to be viewed differently.
And!
I fell in love with salsa dancing in my first lesson. The instructor was describing the male and female roles. The role of the woman is to be a beautiful picture. The role of the man is to be the picture frame, doing all he can to make the woman beautiful. This dance is incredibly sexy, but I would say, not sexual (I’ve never felt objectified by any of the men who actually know how to dance). This dance is a celebration of femininity. It’s also a tremendous metaphor for life. As a woman must learn to submit, trust, and follow a man’s lead. A man must adapt his leadership based on the woman’s skill level, making her dance beautifully any way he can. How can such a sexy dance not be sexual? Respect and appreciation for each other, and for the dance.
So maybe that’s part of America’s problem. We haven’t grown up in a culture that celebrates femininity in such a way. So, let’s get all the singles into salsa lessons! Problem solved.
Not exactly directly on topic, but my friend Dave wrote an excellent essay on dance reflecting the nature of God that might be right up your alley.
http://wonderingfair.com/2010/12/31/god-on-the-dance-floor/
I gotta say, this seems to me like a pretty uncharitable perspective on men. You’re absolutely correct that some, being weak and unmotivated to grow, would simply come to depend on the modest dress of women. Knowing, however, the sacrifice you were making for their sake, others would themselves be challenged to grow and overcome their weakness, so as to lessen your burden. The end result does not have to be the world you envision, as long as men and women are mutually working for the betterment of each other.
I also don’t understand the demand you speak of, to be viewed differently. From my perspective, I can demand nothing of another person. I am deserving of nothing save Hell. It’s only by grace that I am destined for more, by Christ’s sacrifice that I can have life to the full. The very breath in my lungs at this moment is a gift from God. How can I ask for more, let alone demand it?
I hear in your post (and please forgive me if I’m wrong) a reaction similar to the one most modern women have to the command that wives are to submit to their husbands, found in Ephesians 5. That reaction being one of, “That’s just license for men to dominate women.” In reality though, this is just not true. The same passage has just as much to say – if not more – about the way in which men are to love their wives. You are called to submit to your husband, while I am called to give up my life for my wife, and to love her as I do myself.
Modesty is not about controlling women or even saving men from temptation. It’s about loving one another enough to sacrifice our own desires for the benefit of someone else. It’s not a fair trade, especially when your desire to wear something you like is perfectly reasonable and acceptable. But who said life was fair?
In the end, the way you dress in and of itself is not going to save any man from temptation (or cause it). But a weaker man, with a heart to change, is going to appreciate it.
Maybe demand was too strong of a word. I do believe that men can chose to see women as much more than sexual beings. Do you walk around with your shirt off on hot days? Do you have a problem with men who do? Obviously women cannot walk around shirtless. But why are legs so scandelous? We should have more leeway. The demand I speak of lies more in our own behaviour, to dress comfortably, but not act enticingly. It’s one thing to be wearing short shorts, it’s another to sit with your lets open, rub them seductively, or simple flaunt them. The way we behave can demand much, and you’d be lying to say that your actions don’t demand certain reaction each day.
I agree that you can show much respect with modesty.. but we cannot address modesty without recognizing that each person has a different idea of what modesty is. Are we talking about the amount of skin showing, the fit of the attire, or is modesty relative to each situation. You have to remember that at one point, not too long ago, ankles and wrists were a scandelous vision. So where is the middle ground that we must meet at? Also, you may want to read my post below.. as I talk about how beautiful a woman’s submission can be. I’m not opposed to submitting. But it it will surely be to a great man who does have my best intentions at heart.
I can’t speak for all men, but for myself, it’s not even a choice to see women as more than sexual beings. It’s my default setting, if you will, to see women simply as people. Maybe it’s a result of continually training my mind, and I’m in the minority on this. I tend to think I’m not unique in this regard though.
I know that in looking for some kind of middle ground here, you’re trying to best serve those around you while limiting your own freedom as much as possible. Commendable, but I just don’t think that’s going to cut it.
Paul, in Galatians 5, talks about our freedom in Christ, urging us to serve one another in love. Is it love to continually restrain the way you dress in the presence of others, or is it enabling weakness? Paul goes on to say that we should live by the Spirit, because it is contrary to the sinful nature, and I think this is the key to the whole issue.
If we’ll live by the Spirit, both men and women, I think He’ll let us know when it’s okay to dress however we want, and when it might be better to restrain ourselves. In the same way, in living by the Spirit, our minds will naturally turn away from thoughts and behaviors that would tempt us – or those around us – to sin.
Easier said than done, obviously, but I don’t think anyone was promised an easy trip through life.
Wonderful reflections and conclusions Ally! I think you pretty much summed it up perfectly! Loved seeing everyone’s responses the other day.
Thanks Sara! Watching the conversation has been fun for me too.
Some thoughts on modesty and fairness: It’s certainly not fair in the sense that it is an asymmetrical issue. It’s one thing to say that it isn’t fair, but in doing so, we have to be careful not to discount the complexity of the situation either. Men being more visually tempted than women doesn’t mean that women aren’t visually tempted. We need to be mindful of the little temptations too. Which is what got me thinking this morning. It was put forward by an unnamed commenter last post that while men struggle with visual temptations, women give into fantasy. I’ve heard that said before, and while I think it’s probably an accurate statement in that it names the biggest temptation for each gender, the nature of these two temptations is so different that attempts to equivocate one with the other aren’t very helpful. And I think it seems to put women in an interesting spot in regards to these two temptations: being told to dress modestly to help men resist temptation, without any help from men being offered in overcoming their temptation to fantasize. So I wonder, is there anything men can do to help women in their struggle with temptation?
Makana, thanks for bringing that up. That’s another post unto itself.
So… if not a book (since I and at least one other reader have requested you write one) maybe you should start with a guest post? For me? Ha. Worth a shot at least.Don’t tell me you aren’t qualified. I’m somehow the dating blogger and I’ve yet to have a successful relationship.
Define “successful relationship”.
Haha, touche. No such thing, I suppose. Even in marriage “success” is tough to define.
I’ll throw in my recommendation for a Makana guest post and book (now that it’s up to three, you should start feeling the pressure). Makana, I always really appreciate your insights. It’s funny actually, usually after I’m finished reading the initial post I tend to scroll on down to get the Makana perspective, when it’s not there I feel the slightest bit frustrated. Ally, your perspective on dating and relationships would be a lot less interesting and helpful to others, if all your insight stemmed from the relationship that stuck at 20… at least that’s what I try to tell my folks when they ask why i’m still flyin solo.
Okay, I’ll do it, but you need to give me some tight parameters or else I’ll just ramble.
Hmm. I gave into flattery and let Ally dodge the question. Lesson to be learned there somewhere…
Let me expand on where my mind is going with this. We have been talking about modesty solely in the context how women dress, but in doing so we run the risk of reducing a larger issue of Christian character into a dress code. Can a woman claim to be modest if she has all the right body parts sufficiently covered yet also flaunts her wealth wearing $10k worth of jewelry? If you can can’t imagine that, you haven’t watched enough TBN. Likewise, a man can be dressed like a pauper, but if he boasts of his accomplishments, can you call him modest?
I’m really glad you brought this up! I was beginning to think along similar lines. What does a person look like who is modest in every way, boasting only in the cross, as Paul put it? Good to think on.
And how does a man who boasts only in the cross ask a woman out on a date?
I like what someone said yesterday about modesty being “moderate” as in not extreme in one way or the other…
But how do we measure “extreme” when it changes from culture to culture? Extreme wealth in the Third World is not extreme wealth in the US…
Yeah, I have no idea… I give up. Haha
It’s hard. You can spend all day trying to account for the factors. Maybe the real take away in regards to that problem is that we have to be mindful of how much the advice we give can be bound up in the culture we are in and look for ways to speak beyond our culture.
Ally, I think what you mentioned at the end of your post is so important. The need to prove we are right, or not back down from our point of view, can seem so engrained in many of us that all the benefits that come from sharing in open dialogue are lost. Christians can be some of the worst at politicking issues, so much so, I fear we often miss out on incredible opportunities to learn from one another and set positive examples for those around us, on how to discuss sensitive/opinionated issues. This discussion on modesty has been a great example of what it looks like, when the main point isn’t to try and prove one, but grow in understanding and depth. As you said, when we’re willing to set aside our biases and anxieties, even for a short while, we walk away from conversations like these so much more enriched.
What a conversation/controversy starter! Your last post has already come up a few times in different conversations. I found myself rethinking some of the things I had shrugged off and delighting that there were guys who weren’t pushing the blame all on the women.
I could go into comical stories of getting into trouble for showing my knees at a legalistic church growing up. Or being told that skirts are always more modest than dresses. Or having trying to figure just what modesty meant after my family left that church when I was a teenager. But personal experience would detract from the truth.
Hearts are more important than hemlines.
I love that!
I would highly recommend reading A Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit. It was a fascinating perspective from the “secular” world (although I think she was raised Jewish) and she argues the case for why modesty is important brilliantly. The anecdotes might feel a bit dated now since she wrote it in the 90s but it really helped me understand what modesty is about and why it is good for women in a much deeper sense than the way we often talk about it in Christian circles – ie. it’s just a rule we have to follow to keep the guys from sinning . . .
Natasha – thanks for the suggestion! I’m always up for reading more books and that sounds like a good one. I’ll add it to my Amazon queue.
Were you the one who suggested that in the comments of yesterday’s post? I remember the title but having a hard time finding the original comment.
Love Wendy Shalit’s book…I second that recommendation!
See, this is how we explain different definitions of modesty in terms of the fall. Adam and Eve weren’t compelled to wear particular clothing. The fall was just when modesty entered the thoughts of men and women. Even tribal people in Africa who go around topless have a definition of modesty. To them, they are clothed.
Matt – that’s a good addition to the conversation. We’re bound in some ways by the constructions of modesty that are set up in our culture. Those boundaries can be a good thing (they help us to understand the world where we live) but it’s also a good reminder that there are not hard and fast black and whites when it comes to these things.
True, and to bring this closer to home, after spending a year in Miami Beach, I can tell you that topless women are everywhere on the beaches. They come from South American and European cultures, to name a few, and mix on the beach with Orthodox Jewish men and women. People behave quite politely and the diversity in cultures was a trip to watch. It was a reminder that what is “normal” to the average American is different than other parts of the world.
Great post and important topic!
Back when I was younger, less mature, and more selfish, I dressed however I pleased. I enjoyed the thought that I was appealing to men…never thinking of the consequences to them.
Now that I’m 40 (and, ironically, LESS sexy), I dress much more carefully and modestly. For the sake of my friends and brothers (in Christ.) It has finally sunk in to my brain, that they are wired much differently than I am.
The author/worship leader Tom Kraeuter (who I played piano for, back in the day) put it this way in an essay:
“If you could spend just ten minutes inside the mind of the average male, it
would forever change the way you dress. Best selling author Joshua Harris says
it would only take one minute. Personally, if there was actually a way to do it,
I’d rather you had the shock treatment: ten full minutes. I’ll guarantee that
just that short time inside the mind of the average male would forever change
the way you dress.
And please understand that I am not talking about that guy you always thought
was a little perverted anyway. I’m talking about that nice elderly gentleman who
lives next door. I’m talking about your pastor. I’m talking about your husband. I’m talking about
your father. Make no mistake about it, just ten minutes is all it would take.”
It makes me cringe when I see 19-yr-old girls on our worship team at church, wearing their skin-tight pants and stilettos. They just think they’re being fashionable (and attractive.) They have no idea what that does to men. Someday, they will.
There is another blog that recently went round and round on this topic. I remember one man posting something like, “a woman could wear 3 snowsuits and men will still lust after her”. So if modesty is sexy, and immodesty is sexy, it’s pointless for women to think that they could ever do something to ease a man’s struggle. Men find women sexy. Resistance is futile.
Yes, I agree with your point that men are in charge of their own responses. Don’t you think that if women take on the responsibility of dressing modestly to protect a man from his response that it enables men–weakens them?
Men, do you agree or not, that you can do this through Him who gives you strength? Or are you just fine with looking to women to bear your responsibility and make this easier for you? Please, if this is you, man up.
To the women, I agree, the motivation behind what you choose to wear is the key–the heart. Dress appropriately for every situation–that is, business attire for the office, casual for a day out shopping, bathing suit at the beach, workout clothes for the gym–and always ask yourself if you’re dressing for your body type. If you’re not, you’re going to attract unwanted attention from both genders.
Ally, just recently began poking around your blog via the likes of Jeff Goins (frankly, he’s pretty much my blog gateway). Love the conversation(s) you’ve sparked, particularly this one.
A couple things you wrote that strike me:
“A topless man will never have the effect on a woman that a topless woman does on a man.”While I agree, just want to confirm that you don’t mean to say that a man going topless won’t have *any* effect on a woman. My younger cousin shared photos she and her friend took with male models for Hollister and A&F (shirtless, wearing swim trunks) and I readily admit I blushed quite a bit looking at them. Is that just me being uber-sensitive?”I want men to have a healthy view of women’s bodies and a healthy control of their own sexuality. I want them to win the war against sexual addictions and pornography and lust.”I do, too. I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume that men want the same of women, that they also don’t want us to hold them to Hollywood’s ideals of what makes a man attractive. Again, I’m affirming that you aren’t making a generalization that women don’t war against lust in all its forms, but hope those thoughts add to the conversation.What I’m trying to get at is, modesty’s for men, too. Yes? And what does that look like? Is that something worth exploring?
“Modesty is sexy … Sexy is a good thing”
How about: “Modesty is attractive … Attractive is a good thing.” Personally, I choke on the word “sexy” because of its negative (read: over-used by the media to sell sex and immorality) connotations in our day and age. Just saying. But YES–modesty IS attractive, and in a God-honoring way that doesn’t at all detract from a woman’s natural God-given beauty.
“A woman can be modest and sexually attractive”
True again. It’s up to both men and women to have the right heart attitude and perspective of each other. Admiration; not lust. There’s a huge difference.
“Men are in charge of their own response (thoughts, actions, etc.)”
Couldn’t agree more! We must answer to God for what goes on in our heart and mind. Stop “bouncing your eyes” and start admiring and respecting. It can be done.